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The HeelerS & jamiE zoN

thE 4tH x-maS

thE 4tH x-maS (0000)
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thE 4tH x-maS


                                                 pT I


(oh god, what have i gotten into?  i'm standing here with all these people.  i don't know what to do.  i think i'm gonna freak out.  oh god, how am i gonna get through this?  i don't know what to do.  how am i gonna get through this?  oh god.  i'm standing here, in this crowd, but all alone.  what do i do?  oh wow; what am i gonna do?  oh god; get me out of this, please!  oh god; get me out of this, please!  just take me Home; please take me Home!  oh, oh; get me out of this situation; take me Home.  get myself out of here; get me Home!)


and now it's okay, all the doors are locked.

society outside; but in here that's all blocked.

the people out there full of holiday cheer,

won't get the seclusion that prevails here.


became more than acquainted with a holiday tainted,

Once brightly painted now dim lit and fainted;

It's the fourth year now of a party of one x-mas.


Simulated glee, while setting up the tree.

Quiet content, while still dark and lonely.

sipping on a cup of some luke warm Swiss Mis.

Thoughts of what once was, starting to miss this. 


Then was the thought of what is now reality,

being alone is what it seems it's supposed to be;

used to it by now; the fourth year, another solo x-mas.


                                              pT II


(oh god; i think i'm okay.  wait; everything's okay; i'm still alone. 


 i guess i wanted it this way; it's okay.


it's not so bad.


oh yes; the quiet comfort; the contentment; this is the way it should be! oh god! 


wait; i'm not so sure.


yes i am; this is the only way it can be; splendid joyous glee!  oh yes; this is how it should be!

finally!  oh wait,


oh god; huh; here we go.





window panes, full of lights,  to brighten up this House on a dark x-mas night.

lights camera action, no one else here to see this glorious sight.

empty boxes wrapped with x-mas paper, and placed down under the tree,

should make a good placebo on x-mas morning, with tags saying to me from me.

santa must have blacked out last night, and don't remember what it was he did;

he don't remember setting up the scene for himself, to wake back up as an over grown kid.

lack of memory created the surprise, santa forgot he'd filled a stocking.

full of hopes and dreams and compromise, to a world that he'd been blocking.

apparently what it is supposed to be, is spending time with some sort of family unit.

to enjoy each others company,  and hope no one there would possibly ruin it.

but being a recluse that's all avoided; locked alone one room away from all this.

all chance of starting over is exploited, by around the fourth desolate x-mas.


                                             pT III


sure hope it's okay, the doors are all locked.                                                                                                            

no one here x-mas day, all society blocked.


sometimes being reminiscent, well it's rather not really so efficient. 

just leads to standing there with a spot on the wall at which to stare. 

no more thinking of a life now nonexistent; it's time for deliverance.                                                                          

i now stand alone in the middle of a luring multi-colored square.

tripping out to the chasing lights; it seems that comfort is this.

i now decorate for only me; cheers to the fourth self-spent  x-mas!

but i've got my Two Dogs, Beers, smoke and Cheers, so x-mas Go!


no one around this place, sharing holiday cheer.

silence filling this space, nothing happening here.

no one else here to see, the decorated tree.

sparkling full of glee, unseen and lonely.


                                            pT IV


(closer to that; a little closer; we're gonna try that later okay but for now, we've got to do, this…)


waking alone again on x-mas day, my spirit is fair but my hope is poor.

i realize that i have never changed; this is how i've been since i was born.

it's getting hard to care what others think, so i do what i want and i do it myself.

maybe that is why with no one i link, sick of people judging; they can all fuck themselves.

at one time amity i could not resist, now there's not much about it that i miss.


(jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, forty years of controlling your sleigh, but you're still a kid jamie.)


i'm to the point where now i don't give a shit, now that it is the fourth recluse x-mas.


(hello, is there anyone there, am i trying to reach out, or do i not even care?

was i testing the waters, or should i leave it like this? i guess i'm oblivious by the fourth selfish x-mas.


and nothing could make the holidays more true, than to catch a trending infectious flu.


and now i'm sipping cough syrup, tripping the year up with a concoction of meds and fiber optic wreaths,

and i'll be doing my own diagnosis, so that this anomic trend will never decease.

it's the fourth single x-mas and by now all worry should release; 

i don't know; You tell me.)



jamiE and zoN richardsoN.


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